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How Do We Teach Our Son’s To Be Men

by on June 6, 2012 in Family Life, Gospel Community

I just returned from a 3 day retreat with 7 other dads and their sons. This was the second year we’ve done this retreat with one clear intention – entrusting what it means to be a “man who follows Christ” into the hearts of our boys.

It all began 2 years ago in my living room over a pretty casual conversation with 3 other families. Our wives had encouraged us to all get together to explore how our families could have an impact on young people in our valley. What came out of it was very different. Although the outreach piece was an awesome vision, the dads realized that much of the problem was a failure of fathers in their home. We additionally knew that any vision we had for others needed to overflow from our own relationships with our kids…..especially our sons.

Within two weeks we were meeting once a month and going through Robert Lewis’ curriculum entitled “Raising a Modern Day Knight.” What emerged was a vision for 4 fathers not only raising their sons….but actually participating with one another’s sons as a community of men.

Last week we returned from Pine Summit Camp in Big Bear California. As a group of now 7 dads we spent 3 days pouring our lives into the hearts of our boys…..it was awesome. Our teaching content centered around one of the acronym’s from the RMDK program…SWORD.

S – Sin and confession
W – Wisdom he must live by
O – Offenses he must forgive
R – Requirements to Obey
D – Deceptions to Avoid

We each took a turn at one of the teaching sessions – 30 minutes of discussion and 20 minutes of father/son time. It was amazing to see what each dad brought to the weekend, how our different gifts were used to strengthen each of our boys. We used media, Swords, large posters, music…..all to help our sons understand the importance of anchoring our lives to Christ as we navigate a world that longs to steal our affections.

The schedule for the weekend was maybe a tad busy….but with young boys….I think it may have still been the right pace.

FRIDAY
11:30 Depart My House (stop for quick lunch on way)
1:00 – Arrive / Unpack
3:00 – 1st Recreation Session – Sins Must Confess theme (run by staff)
5:00pm – Dinner

6:00pm – Session 1 – Sins Must Confess (Don)
8:00pm – Campfire
9:00pm – Flashlight Game



SATURDAY

8:00am – Breakfast                                                 

9:00am – Session 2 – Wisdom – Mike  
10:00AM – Rec Session 2-Wisdom & Offenses to Forgive    

11:00am – Session 3 – Offenses to Forgive – Garrett 

12:00pm – Lunch                                                                 

1:00pm – High Ropes/Activities/Free Time


5:00pm – Dinner

6:00pm – Rec Session 3 – Requirements to Obey & Deceptions to Avoid
7:15 -Session 4 – Requirements to Obey – Brian


Ceremony at Campfire

8:30pm – Snacks, Campfire, Flashlight Game


SUNDAY

8:00am – Breakfast

9:00am – Session 5 – Deceptions to Avoid – Tim
10:30am – Depart

The teaching sessions and activities were an amazing time together. On Saturday night we held a ceremony with our sons that far exceeding any of our expectations. We had purchased these beautiful “Armor of God” coins for each son with the idea of presenting them at the campfire ceremony. I had this brainstorm that we need to involve all of the dads in each of the son’s experience receiving their coin. I felt that we needed to help our sons understand how the community of faith should involve receiving guidance, wisdom and encouragement from the larger community of men in their lives. Men have a tendency to try to “go it alone” and we wanted to send a clear message that Christianity involves a life of “one anothers” not just “me & God.”

So for the ceremony we had each son walk down, holding a candle which he placed next to the fire. He would then receive his coin from his father, and then one by one each man would speak affirmation, challenge and encouragement into the boys life. That was the theory…..what unfolded was a work of God. What came out of my mouth and these other dads was truly powerful….we could never have scripted it. The best part was watching these boys stand up straight and hear what each dad had to say to them.

I think it is amazing to see how some very “imperfect” fathers can decide something noble for our sons, wondering if we can even pull it off. And then in that place of humility God meets us and makes His name great. What happened Saturday night and the entire weekend was a work of God in spite of us. We were obedient to the responsibility placed on us in Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians 6, but God touched the hearts of our sons. The part we also weren’t prepared for was the close friendship and community we have as dads. When one is down, we rally around him with truth and encouragement.

I hope this post will encourage other men to take some risks as they pursue the hearts of their sons.

Here’s the highlight video I showed on our first night from the first year we did this.

I’m already looking forward to next year
Don

The Gospel at Work in our Family Life

by on May 9, 2012 in Family Life, Gospel Community

I believe that my ministry credibility is anchored in my commitment to the Gospel at work FIRST in my marriage and home life. The qualifications Paul gives for elders in Titus 1 and 1 Timothy 3 emphasize this point. Ted Tripp’s book “shepherding a Child’s Heart” has been the most influential book in my parenting life. I thought my opening post would be a brief review of this book as an emphasis of where my priorities start in leadership and ministry.

I don’t think there is anything quite as daunting as being a parent. We have moments of confidence but more frequently we feel completely unprepared for the task. Tedd Tripp has brought an outstanding resource for your home with “Shepherding a Child’s Heart.” So often we find ourselves dealing over and over again with the same behaviors. We know we need to correct poor behavior but due to frustration and out right fatigue, we may never get past just trying to control our kids. Tripp’s book helps us understand how to move our correction beyond the behavior and understand the sin at work in our kid’s heart when they act out.

The book is divided into two parts. The first section lays the foundation for biblical child-rearing. Tripp shows that the root of behavior is a sinful heart and a parents primary job is to help a child to have a Godward orientation. An older boy selfishly takes something away from their younger brother and defiantly refuses to give it back……we say “I can’t believe you would do something so selfish.” REALLY? We have NO IDEA how a child could act out selfishly? We never struggle with being selfish…right? In that moment this book helps equip us to move the conversation to our need for a Savior. We bring the Gospel to the situation as we help our children understand that what they say and do flows from the heart. Luke 6:45 says…”out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Chapter thirteen summarizes the first part of this book by saying it this way….”your children are the product of two things. The first-shaping influence-is their physical makeup and their life experience. The second-Godward orientation-determines how they interact with that experience. Parenting involves (1) providing the best shaping influences you can and (2) the careful shepherding of your children’s responses to those influences.” (p122)

Part two of the book brings wisdom to applying a Godward orientation to the three stages of child development, infancy, childhood and the teen years. The second section is particularly helpful with action steps to implement what is being taught in the book.

As you walk through and apply “shepherding” to your children’s lives you’ll find over and over how God is using your children to address sin at work in your own heart. As we are humbled by that, we build a relationship with our children that is way beyond just controlling behavior, but instead a reflection of Christ’s ongoing work in our own lives. Parenting that has been anchored in the Gospel builds a foundation in our relationship with our kids that will weather the seasons and storms of life.

http://www.execpastor.com/google42e4b534cb699434.html